The Woes of Pregnancy and other Facts

Hi there….It’s me – Big Mama. Oops! I mean Andrea. My husband now refers to me as Big Mama all of the time, so I guess I’m starting to believe that is my actual name. It’s pretty believable actually once you get a look at me.

I’m now in my 33rd week and feeling pretty large. I’m also feeling like this pregnancy is starting to get the better of me. Things have gone a bit downhill in the last three weeks.

Gone are the days when I can walk around and climb stairs pain-free. Instead, I now have severe lower back and hip pain. I have a pretty high threshold for pain, so I know it’s bad when I actually feel like crying because the pain is so intense.

Moreover, I am the lucky recipient of melasma, otherwise known as “the mask of pregnancy”. The skin on my forward and cheeks have become very riddled with dark brown spots and blotches (I totally sound hot huh?). This skin condition has also been compared to resembling a raccoon. Nice eh? Thankfully I have a tan that hides this hideousness (at least a little bit); however, I’m a little worried what I’m going to look like once this tan fades. Apparently, “the mask” can fade a few months after birth….let’s just hope that it does, because I don’t think I’ll be cool with looking like a raccoon for the rest of my life. On the bright side, I can dress little Gracie up as a raccoon for Halloween this year and we’ll have matching costumes – how cute would that be??

So I’m happy to report that all of the hot weather we’ve been having hasn’t really been bothering me. I’m sure it helped that I was fortunate enough to be up north in cottage country on our recent vacation. Whenever the heat was too much, I just jumped in the lake. However, doing this made me realize that I’ve been lied to. Have you ever heard that women are more buoyant when pregnant? I’ve heard that a lot! Well let me tell you right now that it’s a total myth. It took all the energy I had to keep my head above water – I was an anchor sinking to the bottom! Needless to say, the good ol’ “pool noodle” came in very handy. The only difference though is that I had to jam six noodles under me to stay afloat rather than the usual two. I am dreading my next “weigh-in” at the doctor’s office.

Not only did I learn that pregnant women do not float, but I also learned that I am not the prettiest sight in a bikini. Firstly, my huge guns hardly fit into my XL size bikini top and my belly is starting to drop so low that it pulls down my bikini bottoms. Luckily, our neighbours are far enough away that my r-rated bathing suit probably didn’t offend them too much. I opted to purchase a larger size regular bikini over a maternity bathing suit because quite frankly, the maternity bathing suits I have seen are absolutely hideous – especially when you consider the cheapest one I have seen is $80.

So now that the end of this pregnancy is finally in sight, I am mentally preparing myself for the “baby blues”. Going into my first pregnancy, I had no idea what this was…because it was never mentioned to me. Eighty percent of women experience this after giving birth apparently. It’s caused by a drastic shift in hormonal levels and I think I could have coped a little bit better if only I had known what was happening to me. On that note, let me shed some light on this “baby blues” business for all soon-to-be first time mothers. Here’s what you can expect if you get the “baby blues”, and you probably will to some degree:

Two to three days after giving birth you will cry uncontrollably. The crying fits will likely happen multiple times throughout the day and last a couple of days. There will be absolutely no reason why you are crying – you just will. This in turn will make you think you’re going crazy, and your husband will likely start to wonder too…but rest assured, this is normal…it’s just the good ol’ baby blues. It’s so confusing when this is happening because you expect to be floating on a cloud of happiness after welcoming your first born into the world. This “baby blues” business will only last a few days. I think it’s when it gets to be weeks and months that post-partum depression becomes a concern so stay on the look-out for that.

Well folks…I just visited a farmers market and have a pecan tart waiting for me. This is very important business that I must attend to. Please note that this will be the second pecan tart for me today…but it’s very easy to justify eating two of these tarts because I’m not a selfish person, and the baby should have a tart too right? Of course he should.