Pregnancy is SO unsexy….

Hi it’s Ginny again… So the purpose of this blog is for us to share our real life experiences right? Well, here goes some very real but personal details I’ve been experiencing lately. I’m now 33 weeks into my pregnancy and 40 pounds heavier! Before I got pregnant, I used to think it must be so sexy and womanly to carry a baby…. Yeah perhaps during months five and six in the second trimester, before and after that are just hellish. Anyhow, even if I make one person laugh or one pregnant person appreciate this sharing, it’ll be worth the embarrassment. But then a girlfriend recently said, ‘funny how nothing's embarrassing anymore once you've been through pregnancy and child birth.’

The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man…

I didn’t think it was possible but I have swelled even further since my last posting. One morning this week I woke up with my hands and feet so fat I couldn’t make a fist. It was painful and I now have carpal tunnel in both hands and my feet hardly fit into my rubber flip flops. I feel like I look like the Marshmallow Man from GhostBusters! Soaking your feet in cold water and ice packs really do help.

Grooming, or lack thereof…

So as with most pregnant women, I haven’t seen my bits in weeks or months! It’s very hard to groom it when you can’t see it! My husband thinks it’s funny and doesn’t help me when I ask, so I have to beg and nag. The last time I went for a bikini wax, which was way back during week 20, I ended on the aestheticians table in fetal position practically begging her to stop. She kept saying, ‘but I’m not done and you’re lopsided!’, I said I didn’t care it hurt WAY too much to continue. I was actually in tears, and I wasn’t doing anything crazy like a Brazilian, just a normal bikini cleanup. With the increased blood flow to the region due to pregnancy, waxing is SO much more painful and bleedy. Yuck.

Carrying low…

Since week mid-twenties… can’t recall exactly which week… I have been carrying quite low. So low that I can no longer close my legs when I sit down, which wasn't such a good thing since all my skirts were knee length. My purse or laptop bag was always strategically placed between my legs on the subway. I had to go find some maxi dresses (aka more stylish moo-moo’s) in a hurry! But that’s not the bad part… a rash has developed where my thighs and belly rub together when I sit. I know, nice hey? It’s probably a combination of this heat and humidity, the chafing my skin is not used to and the non-breathable material a couple of my dresses are made of. So add to the cellulite a nice rash and you’re feeling sexy. But wait, that’s not all…

This is the real icing on the cake…

Hemmies…

Hemmies is an endearing name I’ve made up this week for something really gross and embarrassing that I kept reading about in the prenatal books, usually associated with constipation which I have not suffered from (probably the ONLY pregnancy symptom I’ve escaped!). So how I found out about my hemmy… it’s been SO hot in Toronto I sleep naked, which most people do anyways. Except two nights ago I was moving around on the bed and my husband said, “What’s that hanging out of your ass?” I laughed and figured he was joking. He said he wasn’t kidding and there was really something sticking out. I still didn’t believe him. I didn’t feel anything strange or unusual and figured he was just trying to freak me out. He went and got a big mirror so I can see my own behind and I screamed, “OMG! IT'S A HEMMY!!!!” …a hemorrhoid! Yup there it was - a small, pink round thing sticking out of my butt hole! I had no idea it was there, it didn’t bother me and I didn’t feel it. A buddy of ours recently told us how he got hemorrhoids doing some heavy lifting but he felt a “pop” and wondered what happened. He was also in pain and found it very uncomfortable to sit. I didn’t experience a pop, nor do I have pain or discomfort but just knowing it’s there makes me feel icky. The baby books said you can get them from increased pressure from the baby, and with my baby so low, that’s probably how I got it. (I attempted to find an appropriate image for this section but no go! It was gross what Google Images came up with and I’m not prepared to post that part of my anatomy!)

So fat swollen extremities, cellulite brought on by pregnancy, chafing heat rashes, and hemmies… yeah, I totally feel like a smoking sexy beast right now! Someone shoot me next time I think of having a baby over the summer months!

Oh yeah, and two other lovely prenatal words to leave you with… perennial massage. This topic does not appear in the baby books until month eight or nine and is highly recommend for first time pregnancies to prevent tearing during birth. (For those who have no clue, it’s done ‘from the inside out’). It is also recommended your partner help you… well duh!, a partner is mandatory because you can’t reach the required parts anymore unless you’re built like an orangutan with super long arms! Anyhow, it was weird, awkward and absolutely nothing sexy about it. I internet researched it the day after and so many other women said they either couldn’t reach themselves, it wasn’t worth it or totally strange no matter how open minded you are. Another non-sexy item no one tells you about to add to the growing list as I close in on my due date of September 19th.